Get to eat meat! Yay! I feel sorry for you vegetarians right now.
It's suppose to be family time, right? But my dad and I are not speaking to each other. Again. I felt sad at first, but then I just couldn't get myself to really care anymore.
He found my empty pack of cigarettes and a few cigarette butts in my ashtray.
He never said he was proud of me. He never acknowledged my achievements. Most of the time, he's all angry and sarcastic. I'm not missing that at all.
He used to assumed the worst in me. Still does. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because he doesn't know me. I don't know.
He once accused me I'm into Black Metal. It seems funny to others but not to me at that time. He really thought I was off killing innocent animals for satanic rituals or something. I was only 15. My best friend just laughed her ass off. Me? A Black Metal? Seriously. I soon thought the whole thing was ridiculous too.
And then, I got this disease of some kind. And he was quick to deduce that it was STD. It was an awful accusation. I was barely 17. Turns out it was this thingy from my chicken pox that resurfaced because my immune system was weak.
I saw this in PostSecret and it made me think.
Why did I smoke? I told my mum it was stress. Was I lying to my mum and myself? Was it really stress?
Maybe when I started smoking, it really was stress.
The question is, why did I continue? I'm not stressed every friggin' time.
I know I wasn't and am not addicted. In fact, I can last for weeks without smoking.
I know my dad won't like it if I smoke. So I continued to.
I never realise that until now.
Now I still smoke, just to spite him.
P.S: I feel guilty of course. My mum was upset when she found out. But maybe I am addicted. Just a little. A tiny bit. I mean, I haven't smoked for more than 24 hours already. Even though I have a few sticks left. Not really that addicted.
All this talk about cigarettes... I'm going for a smoke after I finish this.
P.P.S: I am aware of all the risks and consequences of smoking. Don't preach.
It's suppose to be family time, right? But my dad and I are not speaking to each other. Again. I felt sad at first, but then I just couldn't get myself to really care anymore.
He found my empty pack of cigarettes and a few cigarette butts in my ashtray.
He never said he was proud of me. He never acknowledged my achievements. Most of the time, he's all angry and sarcastic. I'm not missing that at all.
He used to assumed the worst in me. Still does. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because he doesn't know me. I don't know.
He once accused me I'm into Black Metal. It seems funny to others but not to me at that time. He really thought I was off killing innocent animals for satanic rituals or something. I was only 15. My best friend just laughed her ass off. Me? A Black Metal? Seriously. I soon thought the whole thing was ridiculous too.
And then, I got this disease of some kind. And he was quick to deduce that it was STD. It was an awful accusation. I was barely 17. Turns out it was this thingy from my chicken pox that resurfaced because my immune system was weak.
I saw this in PostSecret and it made me think.
Why did I smoke? I told my mum it was stress. Was I lying to my mum and myself? Was it really stress?
Maybe when I started smoking, it really was stress.
The question is, why did I continue? I'm not stressed every friggin' time.
I know I wasn't and am not addicted. In fact, I can last for weeks without smoking.
I know my dad won't like it if I smoke. So I continued to.
I never realise that until now.
Now I still smoke, just to spite him.
P.S: I feel guilty of course. My mum was upset when she found out. But maybe I am addicted. Just a little. A tiny bit. I mean, I haven't smoked for more than 24 hours already. Even though I have a few sticks left. Not really that addicted.
All this talk about cigarettes... I'm going for a smoke after I finish this.
P.P.S: I am aware of all the risks and consequences of smoking. Don't preach.
19 comments:
yes, i am aware of the situation you're facing right now. Certainly sucks eh, but guys nang camya, it's not easy for them to show their feelings, maybe deep inside he still loves you lar dear. Kitak jak sik perasan, if not why he still wants you to continue study leh?..If my dad kan, dah di suruh kerja contract kat Jalan Padungan nun, or drive lorry sampah. He is still your daddy, nya sikmok bad things to happen to you jak bah. Don't be so keras kepala...
Respect your Father, Love Your Mother and always remember your siblings..Friends come and go, but your family will stay for you.
Moral Kisah Nisa ini: Jangan sekali-kali berasap di dalam bilik awda, sekiranya belum mendapat lesen, sekian terima kasih.
I started smoking for the sake of trying. It wasn't that cool tho, like most school kiddies thought off. Kat hostel, so nothing much to do lah. Nangga kawan merokok, so join ajak lah.
Anyway.... I'm not addicted no more and I don't by my own pack. I guess it's the best way to stop. But beware, I might pau your ciggies. Ngeh ngeh ngeh. (hopefully not!)
Anonymous: I know, I know. I'm just being a drama queen. Can't help it. Heh. I was in my grrr-hate-my-dad mood. It was 1 AM. What do you expect. Crap, of course! Haha.
Soulfly: Lmk sik comment. Tot u dun read my blog anymore. Heh.
i was just lazy to open ppl's blog nowadays, heck i even lazy to update my own page. kebetulan tgh update my blog tek ya la terus check ctok.
nysa, i totally know how it is to have a dad like urs.
you just hafta bear with him. sometimes it's not gonna be easy. that's how i'm trying with my dad. even though i know i'm still getting nowhere in finding the bond with him that i've lost.
and regarding ur smoking habit, i'm not gonna say anything, but i'll just let u know that i'll be very happy and proud of u if u'll decide to quit for real one day. =)
cheerios!
stef, u psychic or wat. tats exactly what i wanted to comment on this entry! =p
*hehe.sebenarnya kmk sik tauk apa mok comment. saja jak mok menyemak sitok.
p/s: my word verification - kipti. wahah tats like the easiest one! kan bagus mun selalu ada easy word verification.
nisa, let me show u an experiment that shows how bad smoking is....kelak la when class starts
I like smoking. Fullstop.
Anyway, I know this is off topic, but I am in so much painnn!
Period pain. Whahahaha.
P.S: My word verification: ebxifuj. Wtf. Why so susah.
let say 1 pack cigarettes RM7, 2 pack RM14.
Daripada RM14 ya, RM10 bagus invest dalam Studiotraffic. Hehehehe.....
aih ko join studiotraffic juak ka n?
pahal suma org join ya....bulak ba benda ya n =p
nya sik bulak, cuma khurafat jak. best.... dapat free duit. skim cepat kaya tok. hehe....
more like skim lambat kaya. it seems like so much work...
nysa, i too have a dad i'm trying to prove myself to. i've been such a hopeless son, and succeeding in life is the only way i will please him. i feel for you
n bulak ya n. ko surf surf surf for nth, kakya the ppl who made studiotraffic laugh at u cz u fell into their prank =p
oh in my case, i have a MUM im trying to prove myself to. but i cant seem to be bothered to prove anything to her. why bother. she doesnt see anything in me.
My word verification - eeeef!! eee best nya..ehehhe
stef, u wont believe until u see cheque worth thousands of ringgit... hehehe.
aiya u got the check oredy meh? lelah ba every single day hafta surf there...bleakkk!!!
What in the world is studiotraffic? Why invest in something I've never heard of? Why don't you guys invest all your money on me? In return, I'll be so nice to you... =)
And thanks everyone. It wasn't my intention to garner sympathy and what not when I wrote this entry. I was down at the time and really have nothing better to do and nothing else comes to mind. It's good to know that I'm never alone. =)
P.S: Word verification: mtyse. How come Jasmine gets the easy ones...
sekpa ba nysa, we all know ure under period torture that time, so sengaja mok pity2 la =p
word verification pun mok complain ktk duak ya..pemalas ada jak. bok cuti 2 bulan dah lembab. hahaha.
sa i feel guilty cuz i keep thinking that i made u smoke. remember when i was in that stupid phase and bought those ciggs back at my mum's house? we were up smoking on the roof i think. was fun though. hehe.
whatever it is, u're still u and...
We Love You. Period. (not menstrual period ok mak cik sorry for your pain). Hmm wait a minute..no we dont. we dont love u. I LOVE YOU. ME ALONE. ME ME ME. sidak lain ya sik. muahahahaha LOVE U SOTT :)
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