30 May 2006

Far away

Sad. Family's further away from me.

I haven't seen my mum for 3 months already. I thought I'm used to it. And I was. But then the whole family went to umrah. Left me here.

Went further away...

I miss them.

They're at another part of the world. I wonder what they're doing right now. I wish I am with them. One whole family.

I cannot help but miss them.

I nearly cried when my lecturer butchered our movie and made it his. But I didn't. I thought I would feel sad reading the recent post by my so-called love of my life about him falling in love. Thought that I would cry. But I didn't.

However, just one thought of my family and the tears just flow freely.

I kept looking at the map of Qatar and Saudi Arabia. Wondering if they're there. Wondering how they're faring. Wondering... wondering... wondering...

Sedih. They go umrah without me. If it's anywhere else in the world doing whatever, I don't think I would feel this way.

Except if they're flying off to see Mariah.

29 May 2006

Happy Birthday Sarah!

Ok, so her birthday was actually yesterday. Anyways...

We did another surprise party for her this year. Surprise surprise. It's just that it's so much fun because she wouldn't suspect anything. Or maybe we're just damn good liars. Which I know is not something to be proud of. But hey, it helps to have this skill.

Jasmine, Teem, Ryn, Fifi and I bought lamb shoulders, BBQ sauce and drinks the day before Sarah's birthday. We also ordered a chocolate ice cream cake.

On her birthday, Jasmine and I bought plates, BBQ equipments and corns. While back at Jasmine's house, Teem swept the front porch. Heh. Bersih tau. =) Teem cut the lamb shoulders into small pieces and Jasmine helped in cleaning them. But I end up to be the one finishing the cleaning. I then marinated the lamb shoulders and the chicken wings. Haslina came to help us with the BBQ grill.

Maya and her boyfriend, Adrus, was the first to come. Then, Stephanie and Yasmin came. By then, Jasmine and I had to go. To send Teem back to the hostel to pick up her stuff (laptop, clothes etc.), pick up Ryn and Dayang, get my camera and an ashtray and finally send Teem, Ryn and Dayang to Jasmine's house.

Jasmine and I then rushed to Sarah's. Originally, the plan was for the two of us to pick up Sarah and then watch sunset at Esplanade. Then try to delay while everyone get ready at Jasmine's house. On the way back, I will then tell Jasmine to stop by her house because I have the urge to pee. Konon nya..

However, because we ran out of time, by the time we reached Sarah's it was 6.15 PM. There was no way we can make it to see sunset at 6.25 PM. Esplanade was at the other side of town.

So... on the way to Sarah's I made a plan that we'll just tell her that the three of us have dinner somewhere. I will go to the ATM to get my money. Jasmine will come out with me. Jasmine will pretend that she forgot her wallet (which I put inside MY handbag) so that we have to go back to her house. We wanted to give Maya and Adrus more time (they were in charge with getting the cake and serai because we don't have a brush for the BBQ) so I'll go buy some batteries for my camera. In the mean time, Jasmine talked to Sarah that we'll have our dinner at Marriot. Her treat. That's why she has to go back to her house to get the wallet. And the thing was, she even called Fifi in the car, asking him to check if her wallet is on the table. "It is? Alright we'll come home to get it now. Are you going out? Oh alright." This was to make sure that Sarah wouldn't suspect anything if the house was all dark and unlit. It was a good plan. And we executed it perfectly. =D

One time, Maya called to enquire if they should light the candles now or later. I told her that I'll give her a miss call and yes, the editing is tomorrow morning. Maya played along. Hee hee. Sarah didn't suspect anything.

When we got home, Jasmine asked if we wanna go inside. I told her "Ok. I want to pee also." So of course Sarah came with us too. When I walked nearer to the house, I can see the candles were all lit from the glass doors. Shit. And I panicked when Sarah wanted to walk towards the cat because she'll definitely can see the candles. I walked quickly to the front door and urged Jasmine to hurry up. I saw Sarah looking at Maya's high heels with her mobile phone's light. I panicked.

Jasmine finally opened the door and the both of us went inside. The house was dark. Sarah came in last. The moment she stepped inside, everybody came out from their hiding places. She never assumed anything. When she was cutting the cake, she turned towards me and Min asking "So, sik jadi lah pegi Marriot?" (So, we're not going to Marriot?) Haha. Kesian nya.

We started BBQing after that. Adrus complimented me that I marinated the meat well. Hee hee. Bangga nya. First time marinate dah turn out well. =) Everyone took turn BBQing the lamb, chicken and corn. Even the birhtday girl.

They all went home at midnight. The whole entire thing was tiring and also money draining but it was for a good friend and seeing her surprised face was worth it. =)

Braces

There's this common perception that if you kiss someone with braces, you might get hurt. The lips and/or tongue could get cut.

Apparently, you won't get hurt or anything. You won't even notice the braces. Well, unless you're licking the teeth.

But if you do lick the braces, will your tongue get caught?

Ugh. Bloody tongue. Not very appealing.

And I wonder... does it feel nicer to have braces gently scrap on you skin? Say hmm... your throat?


I don't like my teeth. Maybe I'll get braces? But it's too much of a bother. Sigh. Laziness persist.

23 May 2006

Clearing Up

Ok, I just want to clarify some things.
So I may say that I go clubbing more blah blah blah. It didn't mean getting wasted and throwing my life away. Sometimes all I do at the club is watch people have fun and dance.
All these night activities or day activities do not affect my studies. I will not allow it to make me not hand in my work or skip classes. If I do skip classes, it's because I want too. Not because I want to go have fun somewhere else. Sometimes all I do is just stay home and not do anything. I've handed in my PR before 5 PM. My group members say that my editing is going well.
So I go out more. But I still do my work and pass them up. I'm going through a rough time this semester. So I surrounded myself with people. That was better than staying home, alone and sad. The thing with my sister actually still upsets me. But when I post about it, only one replied. I've also been through a break up. But just when I thought that I am free from that problem, other problems pop up. I don't need more drama. Just tell me what's wrong. What's bothering you. But don't give me the cold shoulder. It would not solve anything.
To people who are concerned about the life that I lead now, please do not worry. I can take care of myself. I know my limit. I'm just choosing this method (socialising) as a way for me to forget my problems. Problems that are actually distracting me from my school work.
Yes, I've changed. People do change. But the only thing that I've changed about my life is how I lead it. The real Nysa that you all know is still here. I'm still the honest Nysa. Weird and silly. Happy and care-free. Or so I want people to think. I love my family and friends. Still the caring, nice one. Chewah. Tak tau malu puji diri sendiri. =P
Oh, and P.S: Syiq, my cred expired so I say here la. No more misunderstanding. You weren't burdening me at all with that. I didn't mind. Btw, did you know that you called me last night? I was asleep, you know. Hish. It surprised me hearing you singing. I was so sleepy, I opened my mobile, stared at it, forgetting that it would automatically answer it. When it connected, I kept saying hello. It took me a minute and a half to figure out that you're not talking to me. Haha. So, sorry about wasting your credit. Blame it on my blurness. =P

22 May 2006

Moving on... And away I go~!

Well, it's exactly been a month after the break up. I've been keeping myself busy the whole time.
I became more social. Clubbing more. Piak more. Hehe. Went out more. Road trip la. Sleep overs la. Macam-macam lah. Thanks to Jasmine, Teem, Ryn and Dayang. Always making me go out and made me forget. Hey, that trip to Lambir and Bintulu sure was fun. =) Anywhere with you guys memang confirm best. Hugs.
Thanks to my housemates. They were so concerned. Dy, giving your shoulder to cry on was priceless. Thank you. I know Felix actually cared too. Hee. Also Wani and Farisan for forcing me to eat. Hehe.
Ing Hui and Renee... Drinking at 5 PM. Haha. Enough said. I told you I don't show my problems. But I do have them. And this blog is the place I let it all out. My magic beans! Hugs.
Syafiq, I know we're not that close anymore. But hearing that you were concerned after all that's been going on between us, I was touched.
Azee, I know you cared. If you don't, I just pretend you do lah k. Hehe. Love you, sis.
Everyone else, I can't be bothered to list down everybody ok. But thank you for whatever it was that you guys have done to comfort me.
So, I'm moving on.
He is a thing of the past. I wouldn't forget him. He was my first of so many things. And like they said, you would never forget your fist love. But like so many firsts, they come and they go. First love, first kiss, first sex, first child... And then you have to make more. Hehe.
The break up was actually freeing. Of course I was sad. Of course I was upset. But I'm an optimist. One door closed, I can see so many others opening.
Now I can flirt guiltlessly. I can get close to my guy buddies without fearing anyone being unreasonably jealous about it. I can oogle at guys. Farah and Angie would know what I'm talking about. ;P
Opportunities are everywhere when you are actually looking. I never was interested in anyone back in high school. I put my studies as first priority. When I got out of high school, I fell in love with him. That much is history. There was no one else but him. But now... after him, I've become more open to others.
He once said "I'll show you the stars, remember". He never did. And he never will. He made me really happy. Let me just keep those good memories with me. There'll never be another time though. Those 2 years I've kept my feelings for him a secret because I know a lot of people are not that enthusiastic about it. They had their reasons. So now I'm going to listen to them. But he did show me so many other things. And I thank him for that.
He'll always be my baby.
Haha. Can't resist to put any Mariah lyrics in this. Hee. One thing that'll never change. My love for Mariah Carey. Chewah. Haha.
So from now on, hopefully this blog wouldn't have any sadness caused by the break up. Enough is enough.
All this time we've been together
Everyday a new adventure
Time's enough to last forever and a day
Our love was sometimes all we had
Through good times and through bad
I loved you all the way

All our days weren't bright and sunny
There were times we had no money
You could always find some funny things to say
I'm looking back on where we've been
I'd do it all again
I loved you all the way

I loved you all the way
Every mile, every night, every day

Times I thought I couldn't take it
Wondring if we'd ever make it
You could hold me close and make it go away
And though I've said it all before
I never meant it more
I love you all the way

I loved you all the way
Good bye, Rasyiq. I'll always care for you. I know you'll find someone new in no time. That's a fact. Haha.
The first and the last time, the little owl signing off.

17 May 2006

Silliness

Please don't fight. Please. I don't like it.

You know who you are.

09 May 2006

The Accident

I miss my family. I miss home.

My mum’s younger sister came by the other night for a surprise visit. After she called asking my house number, I dashed and knocked at Dian’s door. I was panicking. I told her that my aunt is coming to visit so we yelled at Farisan to clear away any indication that two guys are living in the house. I cleaned my room, sprayed perfumes (darn it smelt like smoke) and hid my cigarette boxes. Farisan had a ‘collection’ of empty cigarette boxes in the display cupboard (don’t ask why), so we put them inside a plastic bag. We also hid all the ashtrays. It was half an hour after my aunt called when she finally arrived at the house.

I asked her about my sister, Nana. (It was her birthday on the 3rd of May. She’s 18! Legal age. Whahahaha~!!) Finally someone who can demonstrate to me what’s actually happening and what kind of surgery she had. All I got from my mum was “Oh it’s too hard to explain. Wait till you’re back.” Blah blah blah. Kinda annoyed when she said that hundreds of times.

Even though I keep hearing “Oh everything’s fine! Don’t worry!” I don’t think it’s fine at all. Nana is traumatised. Now she always sits at the back instead of the front seat. But at least she’s going to take her driving license next year with Azee. At least she’s willing to try again. I just cry at the thought of how I had taught her to manoeuvre the car. How she was so happy when I let her drive. Even if it was only in front of the stadium. How she studied the laws and crap for the exam so studiously as if she’s taking an important school exam. I clearly remember her squealing and her state of panicking when she saw another car heading towards us (the car was far away and we were at a huge car park…). How can I not be sad when I heard about the accident?

My dear sister, the only person in the family that I didn’t hug when I went back to Miri. Of course I was scared shitless when I heard about what happened. I was still teary eyed when my aunt retold the story. The difficulties that my sister is having with lack of her right eyelid, how she had to go through two surgeries to get her right eye fix etc. I wouldn’t be comforted till I see my sister myself.

I also learned what happened to the family on the day of the accident. I learnt how my dad went through it. He was devastated. It was a very different reaction from the time when my dad was beside my late grandpa at his last moments. He was quite controlled. But this reaction towards Nana’s accident… It’s something I’m so unfamiliar with. It was actually my dad who asked everyone not to tell me. Kinda annoyed at that but then again, even though I was just told two days after the accident, I couldn’t pay attention to whatever my lecturer was saying. I was a wreck that day. So I guess my dad did the right thing.

05 May 2006

Mr & Miss Curtin

Okaaayy.. I've been tricked by Renee!! She said she's joining!! Why me?!

Why am I so easily influenced? I can't say No to people. Gah.

Renee filled up the form for me and I stupidly guide her on what to say on the form. The last question, it asked you to describe yourself in 25 words. I wrote "I'm nice. Too nice to say No to Renee and Jasmair".

Yep.

I'm going to hide tonight so no one can find me.

I don't care if the prize is RM500 and a bottle of JD.