27 April 2006

Explaination

Ok so how and when did it happened?

I was out with Teem, Ryn, Angie, Dayang and Fish on the 21st April. We went to CB. At midnight, I text Rasyiq wishing him happy fourth anniversary. Everything was quite normal. He apologised that he couldn't come down.

Then it all started to become more serious.

I asked him is he serious? Breaking it off now? On our anniversary? He was determined. I told him I don't want to lose him. I mean after all those years and I finally have him, I wouldn't just give up and say Ok, let's break up! But well, broke up we did.

I wished he didn't do it when I was out. I managed not to cry during the whole outing. But when I got to my bedroom door, I just broke down in front of it. It was pathetic. I wished he didn't break it off on our anniversary. But what could I do?

I cried day and night for two days. At at some point I was in denial. It took some will power not to message pathetic stuff to him. It hurts so bad. I was in such a mess. My mum was recently very sick. And my sister was in Timberland that Saturday to get her eyes fix. I was missing my family so bad. I even thought of buying ticket to go back home this Friday and come back home on Tuesday. I wanted to go back home to my main source of comfort. My permanent one. My family. But I changed my mind.

I'm thinking of saving my money for the trip to KL instead. Heh heh.

Please don't go and say "Oh he's not worth your tears!", "He's a jerk!" or "I'll personally go to Kuching and punch his face!" because that's what I've been hearing. It hurts to hear all that. I need to cry, for one thing. And it wasn't really comforting because I still very much love him. He has his reasons and I respect them. I understood them and I'm not angry at him.

I don't really have time to tell the reasons so that'll be in Explaination Part II. Heh.

23 April 2006

The End

Well, it's over. On 22nd April. Exactly on our 4th month anniversary.

"When I think of our untimely end and everything we could have been, I cry. Baby, I cry...
Ok, so it's 5 AM and I still can't sleep/ Took some medicine/ But it's not working/ Someone's clinging to me/ And it's bittersweet / Cause he's head over heels/ BUT IT AIN'T THAT DEEP.."

08 April 2006

Frustrations

I'm at Jasmine's house right now. Slept over last night. I was supposed to help her do her research. But we got back late. Both were so tired and sleepy. It rained heavily last night. When we got to her front door, we found out that it was locked... We were locked outside. At 1 AM. When it's raining hard. Plus, we both need to pee...

Since we couldn't get the maid to wake up, we drove out again. To some random hotel nearby (Marriot). We need to go to the toilet! But then the maid called. Sigh. Finally.

We didn't do our research.

So anyways, I haven't been updating regularly. I miss blogging..

But I have assignments due every bloody week. And it's so tiring and depressing. Not only that, if I don't have a presentation that week, I have shooting or editing to do! Next week, I have one 1500 words paper due, a presentation on Monday, a shooting on Tuesday. I don't mind being busy. But I hate being TOO busy. It makes you too tired to do anything else. You have class the whole day. And at night, you want to do your assignments but you're too tired! Gah.

And I miss Rasyiq so much. There's a chance that I'm not going to see him till the end of the year. I don't think he's coming next week. Or ever. He's busy too. Working.

Depressing, depressing, depressing...