The Accident

I miss my family. I miss home.

My mum’s younger sister came by the other night for a surprise visit. After she called asking my house number, I dashed and knocked at Dian’s door. I was panicking. I told her that my aunt is coming to visit so we yelled at Farisan to clear away any indication that two guys are living in the house. I cleaned my room, sprayed perfumes (darn it smelt like smoke) and hid my cigarette boxes. Farisan had a ‘collection’ of empty cigarette boxes in the display cupboard (don’t ask why), so we put them inside a plastic bag. We also hid all the ashtrays. It was half an hour after my aunt called when she finally arrived at the house.

I asked her about my sister, Nana. (It was her birthday on the 3rd of May. She’s 18! Legal age. Whahahaha~!!) Finally someone who can demonstrate to me what’s actually happening and what kind of surgery she had. All I got from my mum was “Oh it’s too hard to explain. Wait till you’re back.” Blah blah blah. Kinda annoyed when she said that hundreds of times.

Even though I keep hearing “Oh everything’s fine! Don’t worry!” I don’t think it’s fine at all. Nana is traumatised. Now she always sits at the back instead of the front seat. But at least she’s going to take her driving license next year with Azee. At least she’s willing to try again. I just cry at the thought of how I had taught her to manoeuvre the car. How she was so happy when I let her drive. Even if it was only in front of the stadium. How she studied the laws and crap for the exam so studiously as if she’s taking an important school exam. I clearly remember her squealing and her state of panicking when she saw another car heading towards us (the car was far away and we were at a huge car park…). How can I not be sad when I heard about the accident?

My dear sister, the only person in the family that I didn’t hug when I went back to Miri. Of course I was scared shitless when I heard about what happened. I was still teary eyed when my aunt retold the story. The difficulties that my sister is having with lack of her right eyelid, how she had to go through two surgeries to get her right eye fix etc. I wouldn’t be comforted till I see my sister myself.

I also learned what happened to the family on the day of the accident. I learnt how my dad went through it. He was devastated. It was a very different reaction from the time when my dad was beside my late grandpa at his last moments. He was quite controlled. But this reaction towards Nana’s accident… It’s something I’m so unfamiliar with. It was actually my dad who asked everyone not to tell me. Kinda annoyed at that but then again, even though I was just told two days after the accident, I couldn’t pay attention to whatever my lecturer was saying. I was a wreck that day. So I guess my dad did the right thing.