Explaination

Ok so how and when did it happened?

I was out with Teem, Ryn, Angie, Dayang and Fish on the 21st April. We went to CB. At midnight, I text Rasyiq wishing him happy fourth anniversary. Everything was quite normal. He apologised that he couldn't come down.

Then it all started to become more serious.

I asked him is he serious? Breaking it off now? On our anniversary? He was determined. I told him I don't want to lose him. I mean after all those years and I finally have him, I wouldn't just give up and say Ok, let's break up! But well, broke up we did.

I wished he didn't do it when I was out. I managed not to cry during the whole outing. But when I got to my bedroom door, I just broke down in front of it. It was pathetic. I wished he didn't break it off on our anniversary. But what could I do?

I cried day and night for two days. At at some point I was in denial. It took some will power not to message pathetic stuff to him. It hurts so bad. I was in such a mess. My mum was recently very sick. And my sister was in Timberland that Saturday to get her eyes fix. I was missing my family so bad. I even thought of buying ticket to go back home this Friday and come back home on Tuesday. I wanted to go back home to my main source of comfort. My permanent one. My family. But I changed my mind.

I'm thinking of saving my money for the trip to KL instead. Heh heh.

Please don't go and say "Oh he's not worth your tears!", "He's a jerk!" or "I'll personally go to Kuching and punch his face!" because that's what I've been hearing. It hurts to hear all that. I need to cry, for one thing. And it wasn't really comforting because I still very much love him. He has his reasons and I respect them. I understood them and I'm not angry at him.

I don't really have time to tell the reasons so that'll be in Explaination Part II. Heh.