The recent death of my late uncle made me think a lot lately with my relationship with my dad. My best friend was never really close to her dad. She just got close to him around 2 years ago.
And then he passed away.
The impact of it on her was devastating to watch. I still have my dad and I never really thought what it really would be like. Sure I thought about it from time to time for my greatest fear is losing my loved ones. But it never really occurred to me all the impacts it will bring.
Like my best friend… Never would her dad see her graduate. Never would her dad give her away when she gets married. Never would her dad see her children.
It made me treasure and appreciate the presence of my dad in my life more. He is not perfect but at least he is still here. I am so frightened. So, so terrified that I would regret of never being closer to my dad. Most people are always closer to their mother but I want to be as close to my dad as I could.
I remembered that fateful day, years ago. It distanced me from my dad more. The gap in our relationship grew into a canyon. The day I resolved on never telling my dad about what’s going in my life. He picked me up from school that day. It was usually my mum’s task. I usually told her what happened during school that day and she would listen and respond. So I was blabbering and yammering about my day to my dad in the car. He did listen. For a while. And he did respond. But to say this: I don’t care. I abruptly stopped and kept quiet. From that day onwards I never told my dad about my day or the things that I did.
And now I am so terribly afraid. I don’t want to feel the same regret my best friend felt.
But one thing for sure, I love my dad. The song by The Carpenters, ‘Yesterday Once More’ to me will always be our song. He introduced it to me. The song never fails to remind me of him. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
And then he passed away.
The impact of it on her was devastating to watch. I still have my dad and I never really thought what it really would be like. Sure I thought about it from time to time for my greatest fear is losing my loved ones. But it never really occurred to me all the impacts it will bring.
Like my best friend… Never would her dad see her graduate. Never would her dad give her away when she gets married. Never would her dad see her children.
It made me treasure and appreciate the presence of my dad in my life more. He is not perfect but at least he is still here. I am so frightened. So, so terrified that I would regret of never being closer to my dad. Most people are always closer to their mother but I want to be as close to my dad as I could.
I remembered that fateful day, years ago. It distanced me from my dad more. The gap in our relationship grew into a canyon. The day I resolved on never telling my dad about what’s going in my life. He picked me up from school that day. It was usually my mum’s task. I usually told her what happened during school that day and she would listen and respond. So I was blabbering and yammering about my day to my dad in the car. He did listen. For a while. And he did respond. But to say this: I don’t care. I abruptly stopped and kept quiet. From that day onwards I never told my dad about my day or the things that I did.
And now I am so terribly afraid. I don’t want to feel the same regret my best friend felt.
But one thing for sure, I love my dad. The song by The Carpenters, ‘Yesterday Once More’ to me will always be our song. He introduced it to me. The song never fails to remind me of him. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes.
Looking back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed
All my best memories
Come back clearly to me
Some can even make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more
I also don’t want to regret that I am never close to my grandpa like most of my other cousins. He is so, so sick right now that my being in Miri would not make him remember who I am. He is so old. I love him dearly. The other time when I visited him at the hospital, I salam him, he hold on to my hand. I was so touched. He doesn’t normally do that to other people.
If they go away, or shall I be the first to go away, I want to feel content. I don’t want to feel regret or guilt. For to me, those are feelings that I rather not haunt me for the rest of my life.
2 comments:
I'm not sure of any other good songs about dads.... but I know one for mums... Metallica - Mama Said.
another one of my fav posts by u.
because it means a lot to me. if you know what i mean.
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