Losing a phone is not THAT bad...

You know kan I lost my phone. You know, I feel so liberated! Why?

1. People don’t text me about silly things that you don’t really want to know about. Eg. “Nysa! It’s a nice day today.” OR “Kmk ke pasa ikan tek. Meli ikan.” (I went to the market. Buy fish.) WTF man. If the fish is for me, I don’t mind la. So now, without my phone I don’t need to reply to those anymore.

2. I don’t have the commitment to sign my friends name when they ask you to. “Oi, sign my name for Goi’s lecture ok? ID: 7D4A9829328ru29ijsknsdi1208510. Thank you!” You don’t even need to write down the friggin ID for Goi’s lectures. You need to SIGN your name. And the worse part is when your friends’ signatures are ridiculously difficult and long. How the fck do you expect us to copy that squiggle that looks like random lines and crosses? They don’t even look like your name.

3. You get to avoid certain people that you don’t like. Somehow they are dense enough to keep messaging you. It so does not help when you don’t share the same line with them. SMS-ing Maxis when you’re using Digi is 7 cents okay?! You know what you can buy with 7 cents??!!! You can buy one sweet and you still have 2 cents left!

4. I don’t need to stress myself out when people message me (usually Ernest) and I don’t have ANY credit left to reply and I’ll be glaring at my phone and wondering, “WHY??” Some of them know that it’ll greatly annoy me (cause I’ll get very frustrated when I can’t reply back) and message me like: “Haha. Nysa sekda credit!” (“Haha. Nysa doesn’t have credit.”) Grrr… evil, evil people. Doesn’t matter that I do that too. Imagine if it was a life and death situation. “Nysa! I want to commit suicide by drowning myself with tomato ketchup (because chili is too pedas so hurts more). If you don’t reply in 10 minutes I’ll start pouring. I’m naked and in the bathtub btw…” CSI people will find that body covered with ketchup and gonna blame me.

5. I have a reason if I forgot people’s birthdays or other important dates. I can just say that I have put all of the dates in my phone but since I lost it… And when they say, “Don’t you put it in your organizer?” I’ll reply “Of course I did. But then I lost that too.” I just hope I won’t lose my mind next.

Okay I have to stop there. Just because I can’t think of any other reasons. What I really want to do is scream “I DON’T HAVE A PHONE!!!!!!!!”

I can’t message… :
- Nezz now to ask him to buy cigarettes for me. Or just SMS him about random things. He called me Miss Random. I am SO not! I miss my SMS buddy. –insert sad smiley-
- Saiful to pick me up early/late. Or ask him about assignments. Or reprimand him to do things that he purposely forgot to do. Or order him around. (Stupid self-appointed leader who refuse to take charge…)
- Sarah to tell her about things.
- Jasmine to tell her that I miss her so.
- Mum… uhh.. ask for money la what else.
- Yasmin for various stuff.
- Steff for… well I usually ask her where she is.
- Dian if I wanna borrow some stuff or wtv else I wanna ask.
- Ing Hui for erm… to pick me up. Sometimes.
- Renee for…

Ok I give up on listing down people’s name that I’m not going to message in a while. It’s sort of depressing.

I really miss SMS-ing. I really miss having a phone.

BUT in the mean time I’m going to use my friends’ mobile phones. They’re like public phones but free!

This post is just for laughs. Don’t take things personally. I know you people! See these claws? I can beat Wolverine with them. When I do have a phone, don’t hesitate to SMS me. I think I would want to brag about my phone. –insert smiley-

Malang dan Ego

That's Unfortunate and Ego in Malay...

I don't know why, but it's such a fcked up year for me.

Few days ago, my sandals' strap on my right leg putus. I think I uttered something along the line of "My life is so sad."

Just imagine.

I lost my 1st pendrive. Then all my other pendrive fcked up. (I swear it has nothing to do with me! -points at Curtin's computers-) When I use diskets, one of them doesn't want to work anymore for some stupid idiotic reason known only to itself, and most of them has politely asked me to format them at least once.

I have also lost my organiser. And then a few weeks after that I lost my mobile phone. And then, a few days after that, my sandals cannot be used anymore.

And even though Saiful asked me to just ditch the sandals and walk barefoot because I cannot walk properly with that stupid sandals, I still stubbornly wear them. Limping as I walk towards the car park.

Ego.

Tapi malang (But unfortunate).

You can say I'm careless. But I don't usually lose my things or spoil it. I don't! I'm careful. I love my things. Why would I do this to myself, right?

Now, I just hope my laptop won't crash on me. There is no way I can be THAT unlucky...

Regret. Guilt.

The recent death of my late uncle made me think a lot lately with my relationship with my dad. My best friend was never really close to her dad. She just got close to him around 2 years ago.

And then he passed away.

The impact of it on her was devastating to watch. I still have my dad and I never really thought what it really would be like. Sure I thought about it from time to time for my greatest fear is losing my loved ones. But it never really occurred to me all the impacts it will bring.

Like my best friend… Never would her dad see her graduate. Never would her dad give her away when she gets married. Never would her dad see her children.

It made me treasure and appreciate the presence of my dad in my life more. He is not perfect but at least he is still here. I am so frightened. So, so terrified that I would regret of never being closer to my dad. Most people are always closer to their mother but I want to be as close to my dad as I could.

I remembered that fateful day, years ago. It distanced me from my dad more. The gap in our relationship grew into a canyon. The day I resolved on never telling my dad about what’s going in my life. He picked me up from school that day. It was usually my mum’s task. I usually told her what happened during school that day and she would listen and respond. So I was blabbering and yammering about my day to my dad in the car. He did listen. For a while. And he did respond. But to say this: I don’t care. I abruptly stopped and kept quiet. From that day onwards I never told my dad about my day or the things that I did.

And now I am so terribly afraid. I don’t want to feel the same regret my best friend felt.

But one thing for sure, I love my dad. The song by The Carpenters, ‘Yesterday Once More’ to me will always be our song. He introduced it to me. The song never fails to remind me of him. It never fails to bring tears to my eyes.

Looking back on how it was

In years gone by

And the good times that I had

Makes today seem rather sad

So much has changed

All my best memories

Come back clearly to me

Some can even make me cry

Just like before

It's yesterday once more

I also don’t want to regret that I am never close to my grandpa like most of my other cousins. He is so, so sick right now that my being in Miri would not make him remember who I am. He is so old. I love him dearly. The other time when I visited him at the hospital, I salam him, he hold on to my hand. I was so touched. He doesn’t normally do that to other people.

If they go away, or shall I be the first to go away, I want to feel content. I don’t want to feel regret or guilt. For to me, those are feelings that I rather not haunt me for the rest of my life.

My phone...

For the first time in my life, I LOST my BLOODY MOBILE PHONE!!!

Where for art thou, phone?

Lonely... I am so lonely...
I have nobody to call on the phone...

I don't even have a friggin mobile phone!

I always fantasize what if I lose my phone. What if...

And now it really happened I'm kind of speechless.

Hey, cest la vie, eh?

Apple of My Eyes

One day, years ago, I found my dad’s notebook back when he was studying in Perth. I found it interesting because they are some doodles there that have nothing to do with the subject he is taking at all. And then one sentence caught my eyes.

“Nur Aina. The apple of my eyes.”

I remembered I felt jealous. My mind was then bombarded with questions. Why her? Why not me or my other siblings? What did she do to catch my dad’s attention? She must be only 8 years old when he wrote that. I then began to search furiously for any other sentences that might say something similar about me or my other siblings. Alas, I found none.

I know she is very clever, getting straight A’s and all that. And I know that my dad IS proud of her. I know because he told everyone about her.

A few years later, someone told me that I’m the apple of his eyes. I was so touched that I cried. I actually really wanted to hear those words from my dad. But here is someone who thinks I’m good enough to be the apple of his eyes.

I hope that even if you don’t write my name, you think I’m the apple of your eyes too, Daddy...

My Elysium

Wrote this last month. Boredom = write useless stuff.

I am enjoying these little sensations
As I lie on this field of green grass
The warmth of the sun against my skin
The soft wind blowing gently by
The sounds of birds calling out

I looked up in wonderment at
The great blue, blue sky above me
Making me feel tiny but happy
Because for this little while in time
Seems like nothing would go wrong

My big problems and little worries
Seems so far away in another land
Only enjoyment and happiness
Engulfing me with their tight embrace
Reluctant of letting go and vanish

At this instant I am at peace
With myself and the world around me
Smiling blissfully as I gaze at the view
Of the green hills and the vast blue sea
Content with where I am

I wish I could stay here longer
But alas, into reality I am woken.

Curtin Carnival 2005

I should write happy normal stuff.

So Curtin had a Carnival last Sunday. Managed to sell all my tickets (with Dian's help of course).

Arrived at nearly 10. Nezz picked me up. Despite of being late and all (they have a performance at 10) , he still drives slowly.

They sang Pretty Woman as an opening act or whatever it is. And then some dances. Blah blah. I'm in no mood in describing what the hell happened. Go to Yasmin's blog for pictures of the Carnival.

I just want to bash a certain someone who sang Only One, The Reason and Mungkin Nanti. While he was singing Mungkin Nanti, I noticed one dude sleeping at the back. That's how much he sucks. He lulls (sp?) people to sleep.

However his performance was far from boring. Dian, Yasmin, Steffi and I were having too much fun laughing at him. Why does he torture himself so? Why does he torture other people too? I don't get morons.

There were a lot of food at the Carnival. We were spoilt for choice. Too bad there were so many pest bothering us, thrusting half-empty boxes in our face, expecting us to donate. Then, they tried to give offers like "If you donate, got free watch/bracelet/bookmarks etc..." We want food, damnit. Not bookmarks!

At around 3 p.m., everyone's starting to clean up already. I got free food from Curtin Football Club (CFC). They gave me 3 boxes of full of chapati! Still have some in the fridge. Getting tired of it. Well, at least I have my ciggies!

Got back around 4. Fcking tired. But Nezz came to get his camera back and I ended up going to the football field with him because he was being pitiful. "Oh... I'll just go alone then... All alone..." -Akon, Mr Lonely can be heard at the background- What a drama queen.

One of my most personal post

I read this article “Is being perfect ruining your life?” in CLEO magazine, (pp. 132, Malaysia edition, September, 2005) and it got me thinking. I’m not really like some perfectionist mentioned in the article. Like this woman who got furious with herself just because she misplaced her house keys. And when she went for counseling and the psychiatrist told her that mistakes are an inevitable and natural part of life she replied “No, there’s no need for them.” I am still a bit of a perfectionist in some part of my life.

Recently, I had to do a storyboard for one of my media subjects and it required me to draw the scenes. I tried to draw real looking people instead of stick figures like what most of my class did. And when I ran out of time and the only solution to get the job done is to just draw stick figures instead of real looking people, I was really reluctant and I hated myself for doing it. I wasn’t satisfied with my work.

It says in the article that the cause of being a perfectionist might be because of our parents. I always wanted to do the right thing when I’m doing my work. I didn’t want to do mistakes and afraid to take risk in case I got it wrong.

I guess this is because of my dad. I desperately wanted to impress my dad for as long as I can remember. At one point of my life (SPM year), I craved for the word “I’m proud of you” from my dad. He always belittle me and make fun of me. He thinks that I’ll never achieve anything that I’m doing. He doubts I’ll succeed.

There was one time in Form 1, I told him (we were having dinner at Bukit Permata/Taman Kereta/Topspot) that our class is going to sell stuff for this special day I forgot what it’s called. He told me then that I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to sell anything. That it’s useless. I felt down. I still feel down whenever I thought about it. And I remembered we had a German guest, a friend of Daddy’s, and he told my dad “Don’t say that. You should encourage her.”

Sometimes I think that I’ll never be good enough for him. Whatever I do is wrong or not up to his high standards.

In my SPM year, I was really depressed. I was miserable and suicidal. I often thought of ending it all. I was terrified that I could not achieve what everyone is expecting out of me. I was frightened that I could not satisfy them, especially my dad. I really wanted him to be proud of me. So, so desperately.

Then, I thought why should I seek his approval? He thinks that I’ll never be good enough. I should just think of satisfying myself.

But until now, I couldn’t help but feel the need to impress him. So badly. That I need to prove myself. I can do it. I can. But he never bats an eyelash. I was disappointed again and again. And again and again.

Will I ever be good enough for you, Daddy? Are you proud of me now? I tried so hard, Daddy, to be perfect for you. But you don’t seem to be satisfied. You don’t seem to care. I’m not perfect, Daddy. And I don’t think I’ll ever be in your eyes…

Quotes from a certain lecturer...

These are ‘notes’ that I made in Marketing Communication 211. My grammar has definitely improved ever since. I thought of sharing it with the world. This is what I have learnt from the lecturer, Mr Cali*, as in lucu (funny).

*name has been changed due to the risk of getting caught. =P

- Make sure your eyes open big, big, big and BIG!

- I tell you hoh-nestly, you go Australia and your eyes open very big.
Now I know that my eyes are big not because of genetic but because I’ve been to Australia...

-Whys is this always happens?
Notice how all the words end with an ‘s’.

-At the end of the day, basically… the second level basically… Basically this is the beginning… Basically your hierarchy… basically who is our consumer… Basically… (in nearly every sentence basically).
It’s very important to use the bold words above, basically.

-Do you know how to speeeelll?
Cali taught us how to spell that day. It was touching.

- Be hoh-nest kay. Are you agree?
- I not make a joke. I no kidding for that.
-Are you believe that?
-They make you a suspense.
-And then you can be focus.
-Use you imajinasen.
-Don’t think this is always work.
-What’s going on there, we oso dono.
-He’s good in give a talk.
-Unless you hope to make a money.
-It’s fail. Why its fail? Just one mistake is that you are fail.
-It’s not must promotion on television.
His grammar just takes my breath away. Literally. I was laughing. My spelling and grammar check when crazy with all the above sentences.

Mr. Cali: “I have a dream.” Just 3 words. Very powerful. 3 words.
Student: Uh… it’s 4 words lah.
Mr. Cali: Oh. 4 words. “I have a dream”.
Great. Not only his grammar is astounding, he can count too.

Mr. Cali: You walk walk walk you see Sunway. Walk again you see Nottingham. Walk again you see Taylor. Walk again see Sunway again.
Student: Sunway [a] university meh?
Mr. Cali: I dono. I oso confuse.
We paid eight thousand plus for this? Where in the world does my university find morons like him to teach us anyway?

“…but that boring them to death” Cali, 2005.
Well Mr. Cali, you’re boring me to death… z… z… z…

Just one of my happy post. Haven't updated for so long. You guys probably don't go here anymore...